


Something In The Atmosphere

by AsagiStilinski



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst, Derek Takes Care Of Stiles, Derek cares about Stiles' health, Hurt/Comfort, Insomnia, M/M, Magic!Stiles, Nightmares, mentions of coming out, mentions of slight self-neglect, post nogitsune trauma, post season 5 ish, stiles is something
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-23
Updated: 2015-07-23
Packaged: 2018-04-10 18:44:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4403054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AsagiStilinski/pseuds/AsagiStilinski
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <strong>UNBETA'D</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>"I think there's something wrong with me..."</em>
</p><p>Stiles hasn't been ok in a long time, Derek has noticed the decline, but there's been a change, something making it worse, and Stiles ends up at Derek's apartment for the next several days to figure out what it is, he just hopes it isn't as bad as the last time he felt something wrong...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Something In The Atmosphere

**Author's Note:**

> **UBETA'D** I know there are likely mistakes but I proof-read it twice so *fingers crossed* I also know the formatting is terrible but that's a long story that I don't want to get into so I'm hoping you can enjoy the story anyway  <3
> 
> This started as a drabble and ended up something... else... *cough* I don't even know what this is quite honestly, it just happened one night and I've been meaning to post it for like two weeks

"I think there's something wrong with me," It was said so quietly that if Derek wasn't a werewolf he probably wouldn't have a heard it at all, "What do you mean... something wrong with you?" he asked slowly, sitting down on the coffee table in front of Stiles, the younger man didn't raise his head, just still staring at the floor, "I mean I think there's something... wrong... with me... Derek, I don't know how else to say it," Derek took a deep breath and reached out hesitantly, taking Stiles' hand in his to steady it, "I'm guessing this isn't one of those 'I think I caught a cold' sort of moments?" Stiles laughed, it was genuine but it was broken and hurting in a way that made Derek cringe, "I would kill for a cold right about now, seriously," he said quietly, Derek squeezed his hand a little harder and took a breath, "Alright, so if it isn't a sickness... what do you think it is?" "I don't know," "Well ... what is it that makes you think something is wrong?" he looked up finally and Derek would have been startled by how heavy the bags were under his eyes if he wasn't used to seeing it by now, although granted not this badly but... "I can't explain it, I just... I FEEL like something is wrong, something is off, I don't know what it is, I feel like... like there's just something off..." "Stiles are you sleeping at all?" He looked away, staring at the kitchen counter and giving his head a barely noticeable shake "It's been a couple of days," "You can't do that to yourself.." "You're preaching to the choir here Derek, do you think I LIKE not being able to sleep?" He was quiet for a moment and Stiles pulled his hand away, dragging his hands down his face and rubbing his eyes as he leaned back against the couch, "I don't like being this way, I.. God... I even considered going on sleep aids because it's just getting WORSE.. it's not... it was better, you know, marginally? For a little bit and now it's just so so much worse... like it never got better at all... but I can't put myself to sleep like that 'cause if I start having a night terror I HAVE to be able to wake myself up from it," "Can't you do something light? Natural? Chamomile tea or ... I've heard of this type of cherry juice that will help you sleep, I drink it sometimes because I don't handle chamomile well," He shook his head desperately, "Can't, I've had chamomile before and it puts me out like a rock, I can't wake up on my own," "Yeah, the juice is just as potent," Derek sighed, there was a beat of silence, "Stiles... why are you coming to me with this and not Scott?" "Because Scott has enough on his plate and he doesn't need ol' Crazy Pants here losing it again, not to say that you DON'T have alot on your plate but like... Scott... I can't... I cannot put him through this again, I can't SCARE him again Derek... you can help, you can do all of this under the radar, not insight a panic... Scott would just... I mean... he'd try but he has the subtlety of a brick you know?" Derek nodded, he understood exactly what Stiles was trying to say, "Can you tell me what else it is besides the not sleeping that makes you feel ... wrong?" "I'm on a razor's edge here... I'm .. so so so anxious.... I'm ... my temper is WAY out of control... but at the same time I'm chronically tired, emotionally exhausted, like I've been ..." "Hyper-vigilant?" "Uh-huh... and ... I'm not eating like I should, I can see that LOGICALLY, like I can tell myself all day that I'm not eating well but I can't make myself FIX it... I get weird and random aches... sometimes I just zone out and don't even remember what's going on... and..." "And?" he was silent for a moment, tossing his head back further and covering his face completely with his hands, "There's the mirror..." Derek felt himself tense, "The mirror?" Stiles said nothing and he took in another deep breath, "Tell me about the mirror Stiles," he removed his hands but kept his eyes screwed shut tightly, as if opening them would reveal a monster to him, "Something's wrong with my reflection," he said quietly, Derek flinched, "What do you mean?" "I have no idea but... it's been happening for a few days now, that's why I decided enough was enough..." his voice dropped to a wisper, "When I look at myself, I'm not myself," he sat up and opened his eyes, staring at Derek worriedly, "What if it's happening again Derek?" "It isn't, this ... this sounds completely different, have you blacked out? Or .. had any night terrors? Have you had lapses of sanity?" "No.. no... I hope not I don't think so... no..." "I think it's something different then," "Different like what?" he asked quietly, "I'm not sure... it might just be something completely natural, people go through phases Stiles, maybe you're having a ... hormonal shift or something, that would cause almost everything you're describing, the insomnia, the emotional issues, the eating problems... that's all related to hormones and I PROMISE that you go through alot of them in your life- everyone does- and they never quite go away, I've gone through it too, it just takes some time to adjust, but all of that sounds normal," "Except for the mirror, you can't explain the mirror," "Well... maybe I can, if we can pinpoint what looks wrong in your reflection... maybe it's just something like having gotten thinner or .. your eyes being darker, it might be simple Stiles," "And what if it isn't?" "Then we'll cross that bridge when we come to it," Stiles leaned back, putting his foot on the edge of the coffee table between Derek's legs, "Derek, I need you to promise me something," he said quietly, gesturing for Derek to lean forward, Derek leaned, nodding slowly, and Stiles leaned forward, foreheads nearly touching, "No matter what happens, don't take me to a hospital ok?" he frowned, lips pressed together, "Stiles-" "No.. no, ok Derek? Please? I need you to promise me that, please, I can't go back... I can't do that again," Derek reached up and squeezed his hands softly, "I'll avoid it as much as I can," "That's not-" "We probably won't even have to go there, please, let me have a chance first, that's why you came to me isn't it? So let me try," Stiles swallowed, nodding slowly and leaning back, taking a deep breath and chewing on his lip, "Ok,"

~+~

"Your dad is ok with you staying here for the night?" Derek asked as Stiles hung up the phone, "I said I was at a freind's, he didn't ask who," he shrugged back, nestling a little deeper into Derek's couch, a throw blanket wrapped around him as he tried to curl in on himself more, "Right," Derek muttered back, walking back towards Stiles with a bowl of something and handing it to him, Stiles looked at the bowl, then up at Derek, but didn't move, "You need to eat, you said that was one of your problems right?" "I also said I can't find the desire to make myself," he shrugged back, turning his head, Derek rolled his eyes, "How about I went through the trouble of actually cooking and I'm already doing you a huge favor by helping you without telling Scott," Derek knew it was a cheap, low trick to inflict the guilt on him but he wasn't going to get anywhere if he couldn't atleast get Stiles' physical health marginally improved, and sadly guilt was one of the biggest motivators for Stiles, they had that in common, "You suck," Stiles grumbled as he removed his arms from the blankets and reached for the bowl, "You're awesome too," Derek snorted, reaching down and touching his arm, Stiles jerked but didn't flinch away, glaring up at Derek like it was a personal offense, "God you're cold... it's like you have no circulation..." "Thanks for the reminder," he sighed back, stabbing his fork into some pasta and taking a hesitant bite, "Maybe you really ARE an Abominable Snowman," Derek teased as he sat back in the chair across from the couch and glanced at his own bowl of pasta, "Maybe, or maybe werewolves constantly run 110 fevers," he shrugged back, taking another bite, "I like this... it's good.... how'd you learn to cook? I didn't think you were that self-sufficient," "I'm not, it's- ... Laura forced me to learn a few things..." They were quiet for a moment, Stiles nodding his understanding as he took another bite, "How long has it been since someone cooked for you?" Derek asked suddenly, Stiles stopped mid-bite, closing his eyes for a long pause before opening them again, "I don't know," he said honestly, "Do you usually cook for yourself?" "No," Derek twitched his jaw, so cooking was mostly something Stiles just did for the pack then... since the Desert Wolf had been taken care of and the Dread Doctors had been handled a few months back alot more emphasis had been put on pack than it had before and Stiles stepped all too willingly into the role of a basic provider, they didn't call him "Pack Mom" for no reason... "So when it isn't a pack night what do you usually eat?" "Whatever I can get Dad to pay for, pizza, take out, burgers, whatever," "Have you ever thought maybe your diet is half the problem? Humans don't think about it nearly enough but what you eat is actually pretty important," "And you're the health guru?" Stiles snorted around another forkfull, "Werewolves are conscious of these things, we don't like overly processed things very much, we can taste the chemicals, it may not effect bitten wolves very much because their bodies are so used to it but... born wolves are alot more conscious of this sort of thing, maybe that's part of it, maybe you're eating something that's making you miserable and your insomnia is causing the rest," he theorized, "Ok Big Guy, throw me some theories, what could be doing this to me?" Stiles shrugged, "Um... well... if you eat anything with alot of chemicals in it... I had a freind in highschool who was really addicted to this certain salad dressing and it made him so sick... no one knew what was wrong with him for two months before his mother noticed and made him kill off the salads, it took almost a month of hardly eating before he started getting back to his old self, vegetables have alot of pesticides and things on them these days too, some are even washed in kerosene to make them look ripe, you might be having a long-term allergic reaction to that... maybe you just developed a food allergy and didn't realize it.... how high is your blood sugar?" "I have no idea," he said with a sarcastic laugh, "And you'd rather die than get that tested wouldn't you?" "Oh Derek I would rather get my head cut off- twice- than get a blood test, let me promise you," Derek sighed, staring at the table and putting his empty bowl on it, "Where did this aversion to needles come from?" "Seeing my mom packed full of them," Derek swallowed, looking away, he should have seen that coming... "I was really desperate, you know.... back when this all happened the first time," "It isn't happening again Stiles, there is no 'first time'," Stiles just sighed, shaking his head and putting his empty bowl on the table in front of Derek's, "My point is, I was ... so desperate back then I did stuff I wouldn't normally do," "Like getting yourself put in Eichen House?" "And letting Mrs. McCall sedate me, I was like... really, really out of my head then, I can't... I can't-" "I won't ask you to," Derek interrupted, Stiles nodded slowly and curled into the throw blanket again, "Have you EVER gotten your blood tested?" "Nope, have you?" Derek frowned and didn't answer, "I can hear you thinking Derek," he said quietly, "I'm just.... wondering... maybe this is all related to-" "To what? Blood sugar? Hormones? Really? Derek, I'm seeing myself differently in a mirror, and you think maybe I'm just having a perfectly normal hormonal shift?" "I'm trying to be optimistic," "It isn't a good look for you dude," there was silence for a few moments after that and Derek exhaled loudly, leaning back and looking at the clock, it was only a little past seven... "You've been feeling anxious lately right? More than usual?" Stiles nodded slowly, "Want to tell me about that?" "Sorry, I don't remember when you became my therapist Dr. Hale," "And yet I seem to recall perfectly when you walked into my apartment and asked that I help you figure all of this out," Stiles was quiet, closing his eyes, maybe it was to think, maybe it was to pretend Derek wasn't there, the werewolf wasn't sure, "I hate hospitals too you know," he said suddenly, Stiles cracked an eye open and looked over at him, "I hate the smell, the sensations, it wreaks of chemicals and sterilizers and death and everything I touch seems to have layers of other people's touch over it too... in a ... a personal way that other common spaces don't have.... everything about them makes me uncomfortable, I don't like doctors either," "Because they smell like chemicals?" Stiles guessed quietly, moving so that he was stretching out on the couch and laying his head on the armrest, "No, because there's no privacy with doctors, everything is on display, your personal space is invaded, you're touched in ways you don't want to be, it's all just...." "Hitting up some of your triggers?" Stiles guessed quietly, "No, just... upsetting..." he looked up, locking eyes with Stiles, who gave a small, appreciative nod, but otherwise stayed quiet, it was a way of saying that Derek understood, that Stiles wasn't alone, no matter how much it felt like he was sometimes, he never was...

~+~

They argued for probably much longer than they should have on who got to sleep in the bed, Stiles kept trying to insist the couch and Derek kept insisting against it, finally they ended up- through means neither can remember- agreeing to just share the bed and it seemed to work out well, Stiles was so exhausted that Derek had ended up pulling the blankets over him because he was shivering but wouldn't reach down and do it himself, he wasn't entirely asleep either, not exactly, he was in that dozing, twilight state of sleep when you're still a little bit aware of what's going on around you, and Derek ached for him to fall all the way into the abyss so _he_ could sleep, but so far no luck, and after about an hour of trying to keep his eyes open Derek reached over without saying anything and took Stiles' arm in his hand, attempting to drain the pain but having to let go and jerk away the moment he touched him, the immense amount of pain radiating off of him was so intense that Derek couldn't even try to remove it, even that tiny thing though- that small, tiny thing, seemed to push Stiles over the edge as he finally drifted off into real, actual sleep, and in turn, allowed Derek to as well

~+~

Stiles didn't wake up screaming, he woke up with Derek straddling him and shaking the hell out of him, "Wa's'ag'oin'on?" he slurred, eyes opening as he stared up at Derek's panicked expression, "Der?" he mumbled, "You were having a nightmare, I couldn't... you weren't waking up, you really scared me for a minute there Stiles," he sighed, slowly climbing off of him, "Oh, sorry," he mumbled quietly, leaning back and cursing to himself, there went what was likely his only chance at sleep tonight... "I've gotta go to the bathroom," he mumbled, getting out of the bed and stumbling towards the bathroom, maybe it was his imagination but it seemed somehow harder to get there all of a sudden, his feet wouldn't stop dragging and he kept almost running into things, it was... it was pretty terrible... upon getting to the entrance of the bathroom, staring at his reflection, he had that same off feeling again, like there was something that was just... just wrong with him and he didn't know how to explain that... "D-Derek!" he called, biting his lip and waiting impatiently as Derek finally got closer, "What? What's wrong?" "Look at my reflection," Stiles said quietly, pointing towards the mirror, Derek looked up and stared at the reflection, even letting himself take a step closer, "Stiles..." "Do you see that?" Stiles asked quietly, "It looks different right? Something... something's wrong Derek," he said quietly, and unfortunately, Stiles was right, Derek couldn't pinpoint it either but there was something very different about his reflection... he licked his lips and looked down, gently putting an arm around Stiles' shoulders and leading him away from the bathroom, "Stiles-" "No," he said quietly, breaking away and walking forward, staring at the reflection and walking closer and closer to it with each step, "Stiles!" Derek shouted, but Stiles ignored him, bracing himself against the bathroom counter and staring at himself in the mirror, it was less noticeable up close, but it was still there, something different, something wrong, and Stiles glared at it with determination, he was going to find out what this was and kill it, even if it was the last thing he did...

Derek stayed awake this time to watch Stiles sleep- he finally convinced him to drink the tea and swore that he would be up to wake him if he was in any distress and now, a couple of hours later, Derek found himself wondering how Stiles ever slept, he was so active in his sleep that just watching him exhausted Derek, he moved and twitched and talked and mumbled and it was like this was when his brain was the most active, everything screamed that Stiles was having some heavy activity going on in his sleep but Derek just couldn't understand WHY... nothing about this was making sense, but Stiles seemed to be dreaming about something, since the moment he fell asleep he's been in constant motion, eyes moving behind their lids in earnest as his mouth moved, lips twitching here and there and constantly seeming that he was trying to say something, Derek thought that he must have seen more activity from Stiles during these few hours of sleep than he had in the last several WEEKS of Stiles being awake, it was stunning and more than a little concerning, and then his sleep went from active to fitfull and he resolved to wake Stiles up- wich on it's own wasn't an easy task, but as soon as Stiles was awake it was all gasps and screaming, reaching out shakily and grabbing Derek, wrapping around him like a boa constrictor and digging his fingers painfully into his shoulders as his body filled with tremors, Derek couldn't remember the last time he held someone like this after a nightmare but he vaguely thought it must have been Cora, so long ago... it had been so long... and yet he somehow snapped right back into it like it was nothing, when he was calm enough he asked for something caffeinated so he wouldn't have to go back to sleep and Derek reluctantly agreed, he didn't want to send Stiles back into his own personal hell, even if it did put more tax on his body, Derek had been there so many times himself.. and he would have killed for Laura to let him stay awake just once instead of insisting on his sleep... so he gave him some coffee and they watched Shark Week until the wee hours of the morning when Stiles found some old 90s cartoons on to watch, and Derek honestly kept falling asleep but Stiles didn't seem to mind, that was the thing about Stiles that perhaps hurt the worst, the more Derek thought about it, no matter how much he was hurting, no matter how bad things got, Stiles was always quick to carry his burdens on his own, let someone sleep when they're tired, don't bother someone when they have enough on their plate already, unless it was life or death (wich, actually, it usually was) Stiles tended to keep things to himself, it was something he and Derek had in common, and something Derek hated about them both

~+~

"All I'm saying is that The New 52 ruined so many things for me that I've almost completely converted to Marvel, I mean have you SEEN Raven's new look? UGH it pains me, Derek, it physically causes me pain," Derek smiled slightly and shook his head, "I haven't seen it actually," "Well do yourself a favor and don't Google it, she's covered in feathers and it's absolutely terrible," Stiles huffed as he stared at the plate in front of him, eyes squinting and scrunching up at it, "I won't Google it, now eat your breakfast," he ordered calmly, Stiles huffed and sank slightly, "I hate eggs," he muttered, "Sorry," Derek shrugged, sitting across from him, "I'll eat pancakes," he shrugged, "First of all, I can hear right through that lie- you're losing your touch, second of all, I'm not giving you more sugar, you need protein and how much coffee have you HAD in six hours?" when Stiles didn't even try to answer him Derek knew it was bad, but he was listless, calmly listless, sitting still and staring tiredly across the room at what seemed to be nothing, "Stiles?" Derek asked worriedly, watching him and looking across the room at where Stiles was staring, there didn't seem to be anything there, "Stiles," he repeated, a little louder, still nothing, he swallowed, getting up and walking over to him, neeling in front of him and waving his hand in front of his face, but Stiles didn't move, "Stiles!" he shouted, snapping his fingers in front of his face, still nothing... just as he was reaching out to shake him Stiles looked him straight in the eye suddenly, eyes glazed and completely out of it, "Did you know a group of cats is called a clowder?" he said slowly, Derek flinched back a bit, staring at him in confusion, "No... I didn't," he said quietly, "I thought it was interesting.. foxes are called skulks... or leashes... I wonder why leashes? A group of meerkats is called a mob, that's cute right? Vampires.... you call a group of vampires a nest, sometimes a coven but mostly a nest, covens are a witch's thing, vampires are real right Derek? Did I read that right? I bet... I would be a good vampire," Derek swallowed, forcing himself to suck it up and lean closer, "Stiles, what are you talking about?" he asked softly, "I'm talking about clowders... it's such a weird word, I wonder who came up with that word, clowder... I mean that's just normal cats you know? Kitten groupings are called kindles, like ... usually they're litters but I guess some people call them kindles, do you know what a group of big cats is called Derek?" "You mean like lions? I think that's a pride right?" he asked softly, "Very good, but not just lions, just... wild cats, in general, do you know?" Derek shook his head slowly and Stiles leaned a little closer, "They're called a _destruction_ , do you think I'm a destruction Derek?" Derek shook his head slowly, "No, I don't," Stiles stared at him for a moment, seeming to drink that in, "How unusual, most people do, and don't lie and say they don't, they think I'm a flock of sea birds- a _wreck_ , do you know what a group of crows is called Derek?" he asked softly, leaning in closer, " _A murder_ ," he leaned back, nodding to himself as Derek stared at him, at a complete loss for what to do, they stared at eachother for a moment before Stiles started blinking, quickly at first, then to closer to normal, tilting his head and frowning a bit, "Derek? Why are you looking at me like that?"

~+~

"I really did it this time huh? I ... I don't-...." "You don't what?" Derek encouraged, "It wasn't like a black out, it was like... I don't know... like I was in another place, like I was just thinking... I didn't know I was saying it, you know? I sort of remember thinking it, I was thinking that and like a zillion other things but I don't remember saying it..." Derek nodded slowly in understanding and picked up a peice of bacon from his plate, holding it out for Stiles, who stared at the strip of food like it was an insult, "Stiles, you need to eat," "I need to figure out what the hell's happening to me," he corrected, "Yeah well it won't help anyone if you aren't eating, do you know what happens to your body when you don't eat?" he snorted, grabbing the peice of bacon in a frustrated huff, "Oh my God when did you turn into Dr. Oz? Are you going to ask me about the last time I peed too?" he snapped, "I'd really rather you keep that to yourself," Derek shrugged, leaning back as Stiles took a bite of it and glared at him more, "I don't know what you expected when you came to me for help," he shrugged, leaning back and crossing one leg over the other, "I have no idea but something ... less... than this for sure," Stiles muttered back, grabbing the other peice of bacon once the first was gone, "You expected someone who was more apathetic, someone who cared just enough to know that I wasn't going to turn my back on you or do anything underhanded but who didn't care enough to be more than a gentle guide at most, right?" Stiles didn't answer him, pretending to find the food more interesting for once, "You sure give off that impression," he said after the second strip was gone, "Yeah well.... that's not my best quality I'll admit.... things change, people change-" "And you're all zenwolf now right?" "Something like that," Stiles just huffed, licking his lips and staring at the ceiling, "Ok well I need you to help me make sure I'm not possessed by something evil here, not ... not talk to me about hormones and pesticides... ok?" "Sorry, packaged deal, you said help, I'm helping, you don't get to tell me that I can only work in the one little box you're comfortable with me tapping into, it doesn't work that way Stiles, if you ARE in trouble- ... if you're... possessed... wich I don't think you are... but even if you were the symptoms you'd be displaying would be different from last time, trickster spirits are smart, they don't pull the same trick twice, and if this isn't a trickster spirit... even more reason for me to dig deeper, wouldn't you think?" Stiles sucked on his cheek but gave a tiny nod anyway, letting out a frustrated huff as he did and running his hands over his eyes, "Yeah.... ok, yeah, sure Big Guy, let's do this," he muttered, clearly displeased with the situation, "Eat," Derek demanded again, Stiles glared at him and Derek just shrugged back in response but once it was clear that he wasn't going to leave Stiles turned around and picked up his fork

~+~

"Still cold?" Derek guessed as he rounded the corner, handing Stiles a cup of hot chocolate, he had cut the coffee train off at the shins two hours ago but realized that cutting Stiles off completely cold turkey from hot, sugary and caffeinated drinks at this point was possibly considered a form of torture so he decided to let him taper off from the high, next bracket down was apple cider if he could convince Stiles to drink it- he probably couldn't but a wolf could dream, "It's sort of a constant thing," Stiles shrugged as he shook off the blanket and grabbed for the cup, "When did you notice all of this starting?" he asked as he leaned against the armrest of the couch, Stiles glanced at him, scooting to one side and giving him a pointed look that was probably code for "Stop being a chicken and sit down next to me you idiot", Derek decided not to read it that way but sat down next to him anyway, "I don't know, I mean... by the time I noticed it, it had already been happening for a pretty long time, just escalating you know? Like... I haven't slept well in... um... maybe six months? Probably longer, probably more like nine," "God almighty..." Derek breathed, face contorting into something mixed between pity and horror and.. a little bit of disgust that no one had bothered to help Stiles until now, although granted, he had been "officially" back in town for about two months now and he hadn't noticed either, until now he had only been swinging in every couple of weeks for a day or two to get his car looked at or restock on supplies and make sure that his pack wasn't dead- the last check up trip nearly resulted in him finding out they were... but still, "What about the rest?" "I was eating ok until a couple of months ago, then the anxiety really started getting bad and I started losing my appetite more, wich isn't weird, I usually do when my anxiety gets up in the high notches, this is really good by the way," he mused as he took another sip of the drink and licked wipped cream off of his lips, "Thanks, I'm sure the instant hot chocolate company will appreciate it... did you tell anyone about the anxiety?" "Oh yeah, people knew in droves, Malia, Scott, you name it, I think Lydia and Kira were maybe the only people who didn't know but to be fair Kira had been gone for three months and then slammed into that doctor business and Lydia had been pretty much gone helping Jordan for the same amount of time-" "We're calling him Jordan now?" Derek asked in surprise, Stiles shrugged, muttering an "Eh" under his breath and taking another drink, "Why didn't Scott or Malia do anything? What about your dad?" "Own problems man, Malia was trying to not fail school- and total respect for her because I could NOT do what she did holy crap that girl is a beast when she wants to be- and Scott had Liam to watch and care for like a premature puppy, he ... he TRIED to help, don't get me wrong, Scott is awesome, he lets me go through my obsessive compulsive rambling until I feel like I can breathe again, he tries to make everything ok when I know it isn't going to be ok, he's a God send, and when it started getting really bad he tried to take it away but-" "Emotions aren't pain..." "Right, exactly, he stepped up his hugging game though, wich was awesome, Scott gives the best hugs, it's like hugging a million puppies," "You like hugs?" Derek grinned slightly, "Yes as every grown man should," Stiles snorted, "Ok," Derek shrugged, moving a little closer, "I just meant... didn't anyone ask what was wrong?" "They all knew, it's this ... senior year crap... you know, we're ... we're going to be ADULTS next year, it's scarey man," "I know," "I'm scared to DEATH of this, I don't... people think it's just.. like... being nervous? Hell no, no... I could HANDLE nervous... I am SCARED of this, I don't.... I don't..." "You don't handle change well and when you graduate it'll be something that changes your life and you can't go back, it'll change the way people look at you, what they expect of you, it'll take away all of your securities and everything you have faith in because when you're an adult in adult relationships things change at the drop of a hat and there's nothing there that can force someone to stay where they are, so if someone leaves... Stiles I get it, please trust me when I say I get it," Stiles stared at him, completely shocked, and nodded slowly, "Yeah you get it, I don't think anyone else does though, Scott tried so freaking hard to understand it... Malia tried but she couldn't even get close... and now ... now things are different again.. I don't know what to do anymore Derek, I don't know, I don't want any of this, I don't want Berkley, I don't want college, I don't want everybody to leave me though... I don't... I don't want to leave my dad or this town or... or..." "Hey," he said quickly, taking the mug from Stiles and setting it down before pulling him closer, "Stiles, look at me for a second," he said quietly, Stiles shook his head quickly and squeezed his eyes shut tightly, "Stiles look at me," Derek ordered again, voice still gentle and calm, he swallowed roughly, sniffling and staring up at him in a wince, Derek squeezed his hands reassuringly and pulled him closer, "I will ALWAYS be here, ok? I know it doesn't really matter when you compare it to ... everything else... but when you can't count on anyone or anything else being the same... I'll be here, I'm not going anywhere, I promise, I might go out of town for ... trips... like I did a few months ago, but you can always call me, and ... for the most part? I'm still going to be here, I'm stuck in this town as much as the next guy, so... if you ever need a freind who's staying in one place..." he shook his head and leaned forward, wrapping his arms around Derek's neck and hugging him close, _"Thank you,"_ Derek nodded slowly against his shoulder and dragged him in for a tight hug in return, he didn't need to say anything, the "Ofcourse" was implied

~+~

"I sort of pegged you for a criminology major," Derek confessed, tossing a dart into the dart board across the room, it had been a gag gift from Lydia a year ago with a picture of Peter attached to it, Derek never actually took the picture off but about seventy-two holes later it fell off on it's own and crumbled beyond repair so now it was just a dart board, "Thought about it, can't say I'd keep on the right side of the law well enough to do much of anything with it," Stiles shrugged as he tossed a dart at the board- it sailed a few inches but then fell miserably to the floor and he glared at it, "That's true, you DO have a criminal streak," Derek teased as he tossed another dart, "Pfft, says the man who was arrested TWICE," "How many times would you have been arrested by now if your father wasn't the sheriff?" he smirked, Stiles scrunched up his face and wrinkled his nose, "I don't wanna talk about that..." "Ofcourse not," Derek grinned, "Do you have any plans?" Stiles asked suddenly, "Plans? Like what?" "Like... do you just.... you can't just become a hermit you know, holing up in your apartment and... once we're all out of your hair..." "Breaden will probably take me with her on some of her adventures if she has the time and the location is nearby or she needs my help, we get along pretty well," "Really well?" "Pretty well, she's nice, a good freind," he shrugged, "Wow, you freindzoned her," Stiles snorted as he threw another dart- it didn't make it to the board either, "I hate that term, as if it's somehow my _fault_ for wanting something more platonic," he huffed, throwing a dart of his own- another bullseye, "Sorry, current language culture," Stiles shrugged back, licking his lips as he aimed his dart, "It's fine, just.. an observation," Derek muttered back, watching the poor dart make it less than half way to the board before just falling over, Stiles cursed, kicking the couch as Derek got up to get the darts, "So if Braeden isn't your type, what is?" Stiles asked curiously, "Who says I have a type? What's YOUR type?" Derek returned, Stiles just shrugged, looking away, "So if you aren't doing much of anything why don't you become a deputy? Dad likes you," Stiles observed, clearly deflecting from the question, "Because I think he's got a hard enough time dealing with the fact that Parrish is something, he doesn't want a werewolf on the team too, and all things considered.... I don't think it'd be good for me," he replied simply, handing Stiles a few darts, "Oh my God," Stiles breathed, "What?" Derek frowned, "Oh my God, Derek Hale actually took his own self-preservation into consideration for something, he actually has a minute enough amount of self value to make a choice on what's GOOD for him, call the press, we have a top of the line story on our hands," Derek rolled his eyes and reached over, pulling roughly on Stiles' ear, "You're a real jerk, do you know that?" "I'm vaguely aware of it yes," Stiles shrugged back as he tossed another helpless dart towards the board, "So other than deflecting from my earlier question where are you going with this conversation?" Derek asked as he threw another dart into the center of the board, "Just thinking, we have a compatible skill set and neither of us are exactly cut out for being in law enforcement ... and _yet_...." Derek raised an eyebrow, not taking his turn after Stiles tossed another dart and instead turning to face him, "What are you suggesting?" "I'm suggesting that we're both hopeless and stuck so why not do something productive with being hopeless and stuck? Like... supernatural bounty hunters or something," "I'm pretty sure that's what Braeden does," "Ok so we polish it up a little, make it more like an ... aid service, not all hunting bad guys and calling Mulder and Skully, sometimes we just... you know, we HELP, negotiate with hunters or help newly bitten wolves not destroy a town..." "You know you wouldn't always be able to stay in reach of the rest of the pack if we did that," Derek observed, "Yeah well I'm starting to think that isn't going to happen anyway," he muttered back, Derek looked down, nodding slowly, Stiles' master plan definitely had some holes in it that weren't being filled and if anything only seemed to be getting bigger, and he was finding more and more reasons to make his primary home Beacon Hills at that... "Let's solve one crisis at a time alright? I promise... I _promise_ when you're feeling better we can talk about this in depth alright?" he offered, Stiles nodded slowly and put his darts down, taking a deep breath, "I'm gonna take a shower," he said quietly, Derek nodded slowly as he got up, watching him as he headed off to the bathroom and leaning back once he was gone, running his hands over his face

~+~

When Stiles came out of the shower Derek's hopes that he would be feeling better were dashed, he looked terrible, skin flushed a dark, angry red, eyes redder and puffier than they had been since last night, and shaking profusely even in Derek's warm clothes- an old pair of sweat pants and Henley that he had unofficially given to Stiles last month when he came in after having been pushed in the river by one of the new betas on a full moon- "Stiles, what happened?" he asked worriedly, Stiles shook his head quickly as he sat at the edge of Derek's bed, hands gripping the edge like a vice, "Stiles, tell me what happened," he demanded again, Stiles licked his lips, sniffing slightly, "I think I heard voices," he said quietly, Derek stiffened, face draining of color, "Ok," he said calmly, "I... alright.... what kind of voices? What did they say?" "Nothing.... just... I kept swearing I heard you calling me, I stopped the shower like three times and you never were... I just... why would I..." he paused, taking a few shallow, shuddering breaths, Derek twitched, he looked like he was about to go into a panic attack, he had to stop this before it started... without even thinking, he got up and turned on his stereo, feeling a wave of releif when he heard some teen pop music playing and grabbing Stiles by the hand, jerking him up and starting to sway with him, "What.... what are you doing?" Stiles asked quietly, "Ever see Deathly Hallows?" "Yes?" "Do you want to be Harry or Hermione?" he smirked slightly, Stiles stared up at him, face breaking into a grin and falling into an easy pace with Derek's steps, letting him lead them into an uncoordinated mess of twirls and out of place steps, "Actually Luna was always my favorite," "No kidding?" Derek hummed, "No kidding, what about you?" "Shameless Hermione fan to be perfectly honest," "Huh, I don't know why I pegged you for a Draco kind of guy," he grinned, Derek shook his head, nose wrinkling slightly, "No, no way," "Wow, you just broke the hearts of millions of fangirls," Stiles laughed as he started to grow a little more confident and matched Derek's movements instead of being lead by them, "So?" Derek snorted back, "I have a right to my own favorite charector," "Yeah I guess, hey.. what house are you in?" Derek raised an eyebrow curiously as he let Stiles dip him, letting out a small chuckle when he looked up at him, Stiles seemed brighter all of a sudden, not much physical difference but he was smiling atleast, "What, you mean in Harry Potter?" "Yeah, did you ever take that official quiz I sent you like four months ago?" "I did- what house are YOU in?" he challenged, Stiles grinned, spinning around teasingly and laughing as he pulled Derek with him, "Shameless Slytherin baby, right here, so down with it," "I honestly couldn't picture you as anything other," Derek grinned, "Ok so what about you Big Guy? Are we going snakes or lions?" "Um, badgers actually," he confessed, Stiles stopped suddenly, mouth opening and grinning brightly, "Oh my GOD... you're a Hufflepuff!?" "Yeah," Derek admitted shyly, "Dude that's awesome! Puffs are the best! And you know some of the greatest freindships EVER are between Slytherins and Hufflepuffs," "Oh is that so?" "Uhh-huhhh, I keep nagging Scotty to take the test because I'm always debating on if he's a Gryff or a Puff but he's like 'I lost it in my emails I'm sorry send it again' and then I do and two months later he forgot, honestly that kid," he snorted, "Oh Scott is a kid now is he?" "Yep," Stiles said, popping the "p", "I happen to be older than him by like seven months," "Oh really? Well he's practically a child in that case," "I know right?" Stiles grinned back, the two of them stopping as the music ended and smiling gently at eachother, neither moving or saying a word for a long moment before Stiles stepped closer and wrapped his arms around him again, burrying his head in Derek's chest, and Derek took a breath, holding Stiles closer and hugging him tighter

~+~

"I think I want to come out to my dad," Stiles said suddenly, Derek stopped, nife half-way down on an onion when he turned and looked over his shoulder, Stiles was sitting at the counter, dragging his pen lazily over the pages of a notebook, "Your dad doesn't know you're bi?" he asked quietly, Stiles shook his head, "No, to be honest I ... I hadn't told anyone until a couple of months ago when I told you, I actually... I told you first," "Why me?" he asked quietly, Stiles shrugged, "'Cause you were just on the phone so I thought, ok, worst you could do is hang up on me, plus you were all... you're pretty chill these days and... I don't know, you don't know me the way everybody else does, I feel freer with you, does that sound stupid?" "Not stupid at all," Derek promised, going back to the onion on the cutting board, "I told Scott the next morning, then Malia and then everybody else at lunch but... I still haven't come out to my dad," "Do you really think it'll matter that much to him?" "Sorta, yeah, he's kinda... I don't know... he's always acted kind of.. I guess... really really dismissive whenever I've brought up the idea that I could be attracted to guys? I don't know, I just haven't wanted to tell him," "And is there a reason why you want to now?" Derek asked curiously, "Kind of... I want to... I mean... I want to ask my first guy out soon, and I think.. if I'm going to do that, considering the circumstances, he should know," "And if you weren't going to ask out a guy in the near future would you still tell him right now?" "Probably not but... the longer I wait the harder it'll be to do it so... rip off the bandaid you know?" Derek nodded thoughtfully, mixing the onions into the pan with the herbs he was cooking, "Makes sense, I came out to my sister first, and when she was nothing but supportive I told my mom and she was great so I told everybody else in the middle of a family dinner, I sort of just... dropped it, Laura was talking to my cousin Missy about how much she loved Hugh Jackman and I said 'Yeah me too, he's really hot right?' and ... it was kind of a terrible way to do it but..." "No no no that is the BEST way to come out, oh my God that's brilliant," Stiles laughed, Derek laughed as well, grinning slightly, "I'd do that buuuuuuuuut I'm pretty sure my dad would think it was a joke so... more serious route it is then, think I could get a nice mini cake that says 'Welcome to the bi side' on it or something?" "You could try but I'm not sure how well that would work," Derek teased back, Stiles let out a slight laugh, frowning when he looked down at the notebook in his hands, "Derek..." "Yeah?" "Come see this..." he muttered, Derek frowned, walking away from the stove and stepping over to see the notebook, he swallowed, "Stiles... why did you write 'try me' over and over and over again...?" he glanced up, shaking his head slowly, "I didn't.. I mean... I didn't do it on purpose..." "Automatic writing," Derek said quietly, "What? I ... I've never..." he paused, that wasn't true, he HAD done automatic writing once before.... he jerked forward and grabbed Derek's hand, counting his fingers, one.. two... three... four ... five... all there and no extra.... he took a deep breath, shaking his head and curling in on himself, "What the hell is happening to me Derek?" he breathed, Derek shook his head, pulling him closer and closing his eyes, "I don't know... I just... I don't know..."

~+~

"Is this such a good idea?" Stiles asked with uncertainty, Derek shrugged slightly, "I don't know, do you have another idea?" Stiles shook his head slowly, closing his eyes for a moment, "The thing said 'try me' so... maybe it wants you to channel it," "And we're ok with that?" "Don't we have to be in order to figure out what's going on?" "Good point," Stiles muttered back, opening the sketchbook in front of him and holding his marker in front of him, staring at Derek one last time before starting to drag the tip of the marker in figurative loops over the page, waiting on something to emerge, "I think I might have to be distracted in order for this to work," he muttered, "Ok, so... what baseball team do you like?" Stiles snorted, shaking his head, "Worst distraction ever, and the mets," "Well then you come up with a distraction idea," Derek frowned, "Mm... I could teach you how to use a computer, that would distract me for a wile," he teased, Derek rolled his eyes, and to think, they had been having such a great day without insults, "I'm sorry, that was ... kind of uncalled for," Stiles muttered, "You're fine-" "I'm NOT fine... I just.... God... my temper has been bad lately, like... really bad... I want to start taking something for my mood, you know, anti-anxiety stuff, that should help the temper too but .. I'd have to stop taking Adderall and I ..." "What? Stiles? What is it?" Stiles paused, shaking his head, "I just.... I just realized I haven't taken any in over a year..." he said quietly, "Is that .." "It ... no, no it's good because.. I'm not any more of a freak than I already am, and I just... I don't know, it just occurred to me that if I haven't needed to take it... maybe I don't really need it... atleast not right now, can being possessed heal you from stuff?" "I.. I really have no idea," Derek said quietly, looking down and tensing slightly, "What? What's wrong?" Stiles frowned, "Look at what you're writing," Derek said quietly, Stiles looked down slowly, taking in the full veiw of the sketchbook, the page he was on had a few lines of practice squiggles at the top but the rest of it... the rest just consisted of one word written over and over again... _"Awakened"_

~+~

"Soooo.... Sparks are a thing," Stiles said quietly as he threw his jacket across the room, collapsing on his bed and groaning loudly, "I'm not normal at ALL," he grumbled, Derek shrugged, grabbing the desk chair from the corner and sitting down slowly, "I don't know, it could have been worse, witches don't have to worry about the full moon do they?" "I don't know... I never found out any info on magic users before... just shapeshifters really," he mumbled back, rubbing his eyes tiredly, "So according to Deaton- who is, as always, wonderfully cryptic- all of my symptoms have just been my spark waking up, all this time, for most of the last YEAR..." "It'd explain the telekinesis and extra strength," Derek noted absently, "And the insomnia and stuff has been due to my spark waking up, apparently my brain takes all of it's energy to adjust to it when I'm asleep, and it spurs things like night terrors or dreams where I feel awake because it's using so much energy, and ofcourse that makes my anxiety and temper and stuff worse... God my luck," he grumbled, Derek frowned, placing a hand on his leg and squeezing gently, "You'll be fine though, once you start training it, honing it... and now you have something that will help you sleep," he shrugged, Stiles grunted, running his hands over his face, "I don't really know if I trust it, something sounds wrong about it to me," he mumbled, "Ok, then we'll research it on our own, if you want, we'll do all of this on our own, you and me," Derek offered, Stiles blinked at him, confusion clearly setting in, "Really?" he mumbled quietly, Derek nodded slowly, standing up and stepping closer to him, "Yeah, really... Stiles, this sort of thing is very personal, you should have the right to get help from the sources you want help from, I don't know anything about magic but I think it's sort of safe to say that no one here really does..." he admitted, "Yeah, pretty much... I should call Scott and tell him an emergency pack meeting is on before Deaton does," "Set up for tommorrow, I want to try to help you sleep and it's getting late," Derek replied quickly, Stiles smirked slightly, sitting up and leaning in closer to him, "Well well, who died and made you king Mr. Bossy Boots?" Derek smirked, pulling him closer, "I think you did, now do me a favor," he said softly, "Hm?" Stiles smiled softly, closing his eyes and leaning in, "Stiles.... _wake up_...."

***

Stiles gasped awake and jerked up, looking around and trying to make his eyes adjust to the darkness, swallowing roughly and squeezing his eyes shut for a moment, he opened them again and started counting his fingers, one.. two... three... four... five... "Why didn't the finger trick work in the dream?" he mumbled to himself, it was so weird... unless... "Maybe it doesn't work on memories," he mumbled to himself, granted at some point the memory HAD blended into a dream but it didn't start out that way... he looked at the loft door and sighed, squinting in the dark and seeing plainly that the lock was unlatched, "Derek? Did you forget to lock the door?" he asked with a frown as he poke Derek in the side, "Mm... sorry..." Derek mumbled sleepily, rolling over and tangling the sheets more around his waist, Stiles rolled his eyes, making a gesture with his finger and watching as the lock slid into place and bolted on the door across the room, "You're getting bad about that, leaving it up to me," he grumbled as he laid back down and pulled Derek closer, "Sorry..." he mumbled, still not even close to awake, Stiles just smiled softly and nuzzled into his chest, wrapping his arms around him and sighing in contentment wen Derek did the same, squeezing a little and instinctively leaning down and dragging a few lazy kisses over Stiles' face, the witch smiled softly, kissing his cheek and jaw and then loosely over his lips before tucking his head down again, "You always knew how to help... you still do," he mumbled quietly, his eyes gathering weight as they fell shut and he finally drifted into a peacefull night's sleep


End file.
